1 00:00:51,899 --> 00:00:56,609 - lsn't it time we went back to the classroom? - We okay yet - we wait for Giovanni 2 00:00:56,739 --> 00:00:57,854 Come sit down Sid 3 00:00:58,219 --> 00:01:04,897 - This is Sid the caretaker - Most happy to make your acquaintance 4 00:01:05,539 --> 00:01:06,654 Nice to meet you 5 00:01:07,219 --> 00:01:08,811 You want a cup of coffee, Sid? 6 00:01:08,939 --> 00:01:11,612 - Cup of coffee? - No thanks 7 00:01:11,739 --> 00:01:14,890 - l wouldn't mind a fag though - Sure you can have the fag 8 00:01:15,019 --> 00:01:17,817 - Max, a cigarette for Sid - Okay 9 00:01:18,499 --> 00:01:19,488 That's very kind of you! 10 00:01:25,739 --> 00:01:30,017 - Sid is gonna talk to us - What is he going to be talking about? 11 00:01:30,179 --> 00:01:32,693 Anything! lt's to improve our English! 12 00:01:32,819 --> 00:01:36,653 lnstead of us all the time speak to each other, we speak with Sid 13 00:01:36,779 --> 00:01:38,417 l think is very good idea 14 00:01:39,219 --> 00:01:41,938 - What we're gonna talk about? - You'll have to talk up 15 00:01:42,059 --> 00:01:43,572 l'm a bit Mutt and Jeff 16 00:01:43,979 --> 00:01:47,733 Excuse me! Who are these Mutt and Jeff? 17 00:01:48,699 --> 00:01:50,929 Mutt and Jeff is deaf 18 00:01:51,219 --> 00:01:54,734 Scuse! What we gonna talk about? 19 00:01:54,859 --> 00:01:58,010 l don't mind! l'm just happy to rest my plates of meat 20 00:01:59,539 --> 00:02:02,611 Excuse please! l am not seeing any plates of meat 21 00:02:03,699 --> 00:02:06,611 Plates of meat is feet 22 00:02:07,539 --> 00:02:11,088 - Your feet are plates of meat? - Yes 23 00:02:11,499 --> 00:02:15,378 lt's slang you see! lt's easy if you use your Uncle Ned 24 00:02:16,499 --> 00:02:20,617 - l am not having an uncle Ned - Uncle Ned! Your uncle Ned? 25 00:02:20,739 --> 00:02:23,378 - Uncle Ned? - Yes 26 00:02:23,899 --> 00:02:27,858 - You mean he's crazy? - No but l think you lot are 27 00:02:27,939 --> 00:02:30,851 - l think you're taking the mick - No 28 00:02:30,939 --> 00:02:33,658 We are interested in everything you tell us! 29 00:02:33,779 --> 00:02:36,577 Already you are teaching us words we not learn before 30 00:02:36,699 --> 00:02:38,371 - Please teach us more - Yeah 31 00:02:38,739 --> 00:02:41,458 - l'll tell you about what happened last night - Yes please 32 00:02:42,019 --> 00:02:45,489 Well first of all, l had a bit of a bull and a cow with the trouble and strife 33 00:02:45,939 --> 00:02:47,930 lt was all over the dustbin lids! 34 00:02:48,059 --> 00:02:51,938 l went down the frog and toad into the rub-a-dub and l met my old china plate 35 00:02:52,059 --> 00:02:56,575 He looked a bit Unce Dick so l get him a Jack the Dandy and l had a Vera Lynn 36 00:02:56,979 --> 00:03:00,813 One thing led to another and we were both Brahms and Liszt 37 00:03:01,939 --> 00:03:05,852 So l staggered back home, took off my Dickie dirt and my daisy roots 38 00:03:05,939 --> 00:03:09,329 And passed out like a light on the apples and pears 39 00:03:13,059 --> 00:03:16,608 Blimey l think we are better off talking with each other 40 00:03:17,219 --> 00:03:19,449 lsn't it time you were all back in the classroom? 41 00:03:19,579 --> 00:03:21,854 Sorry professori, we've just been talking with Sid 42 00:03:22,219 --> 00:03:25,495 l've just been helping them with their English Mr. Brown 43 00:03:25,619 --> 00:03:27,018 That should set them back a few weeks 44 00:03:27,179 --> 00:03:28,658 - l beg your pardon? - lt doesn't matter 45 00:03:28,779 --> 00:03:29,689 Alright! 46 00:03:30,579 --> 00:03:33,537 We are not understanding a word he's saying Mr. Brown 47 00:03:33,659 --> 00:03:35,809 He's telling us about his Uncle Dick! 48 00:03:35,939 --> 00:03:39,693 Somebody called Jack the Dandy and Brahms and Liszt 49 00:03:40,739 --> 00:03:42,616 He was speaking in rhyming slang 50 00:03:42,739 --> 00:03:45,572 And all the time we think he's English 51 00:03:46,219 --> 00:03:48,687 He is English! He's what is known as a cockney 52 00:03:48,819 --> 00:03:52,778 Rhyming slang is merely using words that rhyme with the word you wish to use 53 00:03:52,899 --> 00:03:55,618 For example, mince pies are eyes 54 00:03:55,739 --> 00:03:57,650 - Plates of meat are feet - Yes 55 00:03:57,779 --> 00:04:00,976 - l understand, Uncle Ned is head - That's right 56 00:04:01,059 --> 00:04:08,852 - And what is Uncle Dick? - l presume that's sick 57 00:04:08,979 --> 00:04:11,095 - And Jack the Dandy? - Brandy 58 00:04:11,539 --> 00:04:17,489 - Brahms and Liszt? - Drunk 59 00:04:18,459 --> 00:04:20,415 - That's not rhyme - lt's near enough 60 00:04:20,539 --> 00:04:23,451 Come along, we have a lot of work to do! Back to the classroom 61 00:04:23,939 --> 00:04:26,612 What is going on in here? Where is Mr. Brown? 62 00:04:26,739 --> 00:04:29,492 He will be here any minute! He is coming from the tea room 63 00:04:35,459 --> 00:04:38,610 Ten minutes is the normal time to have a tea Mr. Brown 64 00:04:38,739 --> 00:04:40,730 Yes of course! We were discussing parts of speech 65 00:04:40,859 --> 00:04:42,850 Well in future, l'd be obliged if you'd do it in the class 66 00:04:42,939 --> 00:04:43,849 Certainly! 67 00:04:44,459 --> 00:04:46,814 How are your students coming along with their English? 68 00:04:46,939 --> 00:04:47,894 Extremely well 69 00:04:48,019 --> 00:04:49,850 Good, l shall stay and listen for a few minutes 70 00:04:51,019 --> 00:04:52,657 Don't worry! l shan't interfere! 71 00:04:53,019 --> 00:04:56,648 l make it a practise to drop on the classes from time to time 72 00:04:56,779 --> 00:04:58,770 To see what sort of progress is being made 73 00:04:58,899 --> 00:05:01,777 lt's Beef Stroganoff in the cookery class tonight 74 00:05:01,899 --> 00:05:05,574 - Are you trying to get rid of me? - No, l just thought you might fancy a bit 75 00:05:09,019 --> 00:05:11,533 l don't, so will you please begin? 76 00:05:11,659 --> 00:05:16,813 Right! For the rest of this period we're going to talk about shopping 77 00:05:16,939 --> 00:05:18,895 l like him! He's very good! 78 00:05:21,219 --> 00:05:24,689 - Pardon? - Shoppin! l like his Polonaise 79 00:05:30,979 --> 00:05:33,493 Giovanni, that's Chopin! 80 00:05:33,619 --> 00:05:34,608 He must have misheard me! 81 00:05:34,739 --> 00:05:37,458 We're going to talk about shopping, buying things 82 00:05:37,859 --> 00:05:41,852 l have here various items which, at some time or another you will probably purchase 83 00:05:41,979 --> 00:05:44,812 So l'm gonna hold them up and ask you to identify them 84 00:05:44,939 --> 00:05:46,452 And we'll see how well you do, alright? 85 00:05:46,579 --> 00:05:48,649 - Now who shall we start with? Ali - Yes please 86 00:05:48,779 --> 00:05:50,417 - What is this? - Apple 87 00:05:52,699 --> 00:05:56,851 - Lovely! Jelly good - You're not supposed to eat it 88 00:05:56,939 --> 00:05:59,737 l am most sorry! l only had a small bite 89 00:06:00,939 --> 00:06:02,930 You might as well finish it now! 90 00:06:03,179 --> 00:06:05,898 - Su Lee, what is this? - lt is olange 91 00:06:06,659 --> 00:06:10,857 - Rrrr, Rrrr Orange - Olrange 92 00:06:11,459 --> 00:06:14,849 - That's better - You really must work on those R sounds 93 00:06:14,979 --> 00:06:17,891 - l tly velly hard - Try saying... 94 00:06:18,179 --> 00:06:23,412 ''Around the rugged rocks the ragged rascal ran'' 95 00:06:23,539 --> 00:06:26,895 ''Alound luged locks, lagged lascal lan'' 96 00:06:28,699 --> 00:06:32,851 You're gonna have to keep practising 97 00:06:33,459 --> 00:06:35,848 - Anna, what's this? - A paper bag 98 00:06:36,659 --> 00:06:41,733 - Yes, but what's inside it? - l don't know! l cannot see inside 99 00:06:42,219 --> 00:06:46,610 - lt's flour! You know what flour is? - Ja, what you wear at wedding 100 00:06:49,779 --> 00:06:53,010 No, no, no, this isn't that kind of flower! This is flour to make pastry and bread 101 00:06:53,179 --> 00:06:55,409 - Veismal - Yes 102 00:06:56,579 --> 00:06:57,853 - Jamila - Yes 103 00:06:57,979 --> 00:06:59,571 What is this? 104 00:07:01,619 --> 00:07:03,974 l'm sure you're right but what is it in English? 105 00:07:05,939 --> 00:07:08,658 Have you ever heard of a carrot? 106 00:07:09,019 --> 00:07:11,533 - Carrot? - Yes carrot 107 00:07:11,899 --> 00:07:15,858 Horse and carrot 108 00:07:19,819 --> 00:07:21,537 - lncredible! - No, no Jamila 109 00:07:21,659 --> 00:07:25,857 That's horse and cart! This is a carrot! 110 00:07:26,939 --> 00:07:29,817 Who can tell me what these are? 111 00:07:30,499 --> 00:07:32,808 - Fish fingers - Good, well done Danielle 112 00:07:32,939 --> 00:07:34,736 - Excuse please - No Ali, don't say it 113 00:07:34,859 --> 00:07:35,928 What don't l say? 114 00:07:36,059 --> 00:07:38,527 You weren't going to say anything about fish not having fingers 115 00:07:38,659 --> 00:07:40,411 - Yes please - Well don't bother 116 00:07:42,179 --> 00:07:44,488 - Max - Tomato 117 00:07:44,619 --> 00:07:48,328 - Good, Taro! - Potarto 118 00:07:49,059 --> 00:07:51,619 - Potato - Ah so 119 00:07:55,659 --> 00:07:57,411 Giovanni! 120 00:07:57,779 --> 00:07:59,417 - Lime Juice - Good 121 00:07:59,819 --> 00:08:01,730 - Juan - Cow Juice 122 00:08:06,939 --> 00:08:10,011 - Milk - Si, milk 123 00:08:10,899 --> 00:08:17,008 - Do you know where we get milk from Juan? - Si senora, milkman 124 00:08:18,979 --> 00:08:24,690 - Quiet please! We get milk from cows - Si, cows! Vaca! 125 00:08:26,499 --> 00:08:29,491 - Ranjeet! - Corn flakes 126 00:08:30,579 --> 00:08:32,809 - No oats - Oats 127 00:08:33,739 --> 00:08:35,092 So that is oats! 128 00:08:35,499 --> 00:08:37,455 My friend who l am working with 129 00:08:37,579 --> 00:08:42,573 Every morning he is telling me last night he is having his oats 130 00:08:46,699 --> 00:08:51,614 - He is telling me he likes them very much - l'm sure he does 131 00:08:52,699 --> 00:08:55,816 - Who can tell me what this is? - Bacon 132 00:08:55,939 --> 00:08:59,898 - Good, and where does bacon come from? - Milkman 133 00:09:02,459 --> 00:09:07,533 - Bacon does not come from the milkman - Every week l buy bacon from milkman 134 00:09:07,939 --> 00:09:12,535 - Pig, pig - Are you calling me pig? 135 00:09:12,979 --> 00:09:19,851 - You are a pig you ltalian ravioli - Shut your plates of meat 136 00:09:20,819 --> 00:09:22,810 That'll do! 137 00:09:22,939 --> 00:09:26,852 What Giovanni was trying to say was that bacon comes from a pig 138 00:09:27,219 --> 00:09:28,732 lt's alright 139 00:09:29,819 --> 00:09:33,812 Can anyone tell me what we call a pig after it has been killed? 140 00:09:33,939 --> 00:09:40,333 - Yes please, it is dead pig! - Amazing 141 00:09:40,939 --> 00:09:43,612 No Ali, that's pork! 142 00:09:43,979 --> 00:09:46,857 - What is this? Anybody? - A tin of meat 143 00:09:46,979 --> 00:09:54,567 - Yes, actually it's a tin of dog meat - Oh blimey, you're putting dogs in tins to eat 144 00:09:55,539 --> 00:09:58,099 - l think l've heard enough - They are better than they were 145 00:09:58,539 --> 00:10:00,370 They could hardly be worse! 146 00:10:03,179 --> 00:10:05,852 She's absolutely right you know! Some of you are very behind 147 00:10:05,939 --> 00:10:07,850 l spend a lot of time preparing these lessons 148 00:10:07,979 --> 00:10:10,573 And some of you don't take them half as serious as they should 149 00:10:10,699 --> 00:10:12,576 lt's time you put your shoulders to the wheel 150 00:10:12,699 --> 00:10:14,929 - What wheel please? - Learning 151 00:10:15,459 --> 00:10:17,415 l think you better stay an extra half hour tonight 152 00:10:18,059 --> 00:10:22,575 - lt's Friday night! l got a date - l don't care 153 00:10:22,699 --> 00:10:25,611 l want you to do the exercises on page 53, all of them 154 00:10:25,739 --> 00:10:27,536 And you don't go until you've finished 155 00:10:45,219 --> 00:10:46,334 So long! 156 00:10:52,499 --> 00:10:55,696 - l've locked up the tea room Sid - Thanks Glad 157 00:10:56,059 --> 00:10:59,415 - Fancy a drink Girl? - No l want to get home 158 00:10:59,539 --> 00:11:01,894 l must have a pint! My throat's spitting fevers 159 00:11:06,939 --> 00:11:09,817 - What was that? - l think it is somebody at the door 160 00:11:09,939 --> 00:11:10,815 Come in! 161 00:11:21,219 --> 00:11:23,858 Hello, is anybody there? 162 00:11:31,779 --> 00:11:36,773 - Cheerio Sid! See you on Monday - Good night Gladys 163 00:12:10,539 --> 00:12:12,052 lt's no good! l can't get it open 164 00:12:12,699 --> 00:12:15,611 l know! Why not we smash the door up? 165 00:12:15,739 --> 00:12:19,015 No, no! lt's worth a try, alright! Stand back everyone 166 00:12:20,459 --> 00:12:21,494 Careful of splits! 167 00:12:30,939 --> 00:12:34,932 - You haven't opened the door - l think l've broken my arm 168 00:12:35,539 --> 00:12:39,691 - We are all going to die - Don't be so dramatic 169 00:12:39,819 --> 00:12:41,047 Maybe we shout again 170 00:12:41,499 --> 00:12:42,978 l don't think my throat would stand any more 171 00:12:43,059 --> 00:12:44,811 Hey look! There's a man in the street! 172 00:12:45,979 --> 00:12:49,858 Help, help! 173 00:12:49,979 --> 00:12:51,856 He won't hear us from up here! Wave to him 174 00:12:53,939 --> 00:12:55,850 - He has seen us - Good 175 00:12:56,459 --> 00:12:57,733 He's waving back 176 00:12:59,699 --> 00:13:01,610 He obviously thinks we're just being friendly 177 00:13:02,219 --> 00:13:03,538 He's gone 178 00:13:03,939 --> 00:13:08,057 - We are all going to die - Nobody is going to die 179 00:13:08,859 --> 00:13:12,329 What we need is something to be attracting the attention of passer by 180 00:13:12,779 --> 00:13:16,567 Yes, Danielle should wave from window by herself 181 00:13:16,699 --> 00:13:19,611 lt still may not be sufficient to attract enough attention 182 00:13:19,739 --> 00:13:20,854 lt would be if she took all her clothes off 183 00:13:22,779 --> 00:13:24,974 - That's a good idea - No it isn't 184 00:13:25,059 --> 00:13:27,812 Now, just sit down everybody! 185 00:13:28,579 --> 00:13:29,853 We'll just have to think this one out 186 00:13:30,819 --> 00:13:32,537 There must be a simple solution 187 00:13:32,979 --> 00:13:36,528 And if there isn't, we'll just have to wait until somebody misses one of us 188 00:13:36,659 --> 00:13:39,332 But what if nobody is missing anybody 189 00:13:39,819 --> 00:13:43,528 We could be being stuck here together until Monday morning 190 00:13:44,059 --> 00:13:46,812 We are all going to die 191 00:13:47,699 --> 00:13:51,009 Ali, nobody is going to die! Only you is going to die 192 00:13:51,459 --> 00:13:52,528 - Me? - Yes 193 00:13:52,659 --> 00:13:54,854 Because if you say we are all going to die once more, l shall strangle you 194 00:13:55,539 --> 00:13:56,608 There are eleven of us here! 195 00:13:56,739 --> 00:13:59,014 lt is obvious that sooner or later, one of us will be missed 196 00:13:59,699 --> 00:14:03,453 - Will you be missed sir? - Well no but l live alone in a flat 197 00:14:03,579 --> 00:14:07,652 - But for example, take Danielle - l would love to take Danielle 198 00:14:09,059 --> 00:14:10,936 l'm sure that, being an au pair 199 00:14:11,059 --> 00:14:12,856 Your English family will miss you when you don't return 200 00:14:12,939 --> 00:14:15,499 No, they are away for the weekend 201 00:14:16,859 --> 00:14:18,895 Well Anna, what about your English family? 202 00:14:19,019 --> 00:14:20,054 - Are they away? - No 203 00:14:20,499 --> 00:14:21,978 - They'll obviously be worried! - No 204 00:14:22,059 --> 00:14:23,697 - No? - lt is my weekend off! 205 00:14:23,819 --> 00:14:28,688 - l was spending it with Danielle - We are all going to die 206 00:14:28,939 --> 00:14:34,332 Ali! Taro, what about you? You're married! Won't your wife miss you? 207 00:14:34,939 --> 00:14:38,852 - Wife already missing me - There you are 208 00:14:39,459 --> 00:14:45,534 Unfortunately, she is with parents in Tokyo 209 00:14:46,779 --> 00:14:49,851 What about you Giovanni? You work in a restaurant 210 00:14:49,979 --> 00:14:52,857 - Surely your employer will miss you - Sure he's gonna miss me 211 00:14:52,979 --> 00:14:59,418 - So presumably, he'll do something about it - Yes, he's gonna give me the sack 212 00:15:01,539 --> 00:15:03,734 Somebody's bound to miss somebody 213 00:15:03,859 --> 00:15:08,933 And if the worst happens, then... Don't worry we can survive the weekend! 214 00:15:09,059 --> 00:15:10,014 We've got plenty of food and drink! 215 00:15:10,739 --> 00:15:12,889 We'll just have to keep our spirits up! Try and be cheerful 216 00:15:13,019 --> 00:15:14,930 Think of things to do to pass the time 217 00:15:15,219 --> 00:15:16,857 - l tell ajoke! - Good idea Giovanni 218 00:15:16,979 --> 00:15:19,937 We'll all tell jokes! That will help pass the time! Go ahead Giovanni! 219 00:15:20,779 --> 00:15:25,330 Ok, there was this man and he has gangrene in the leg 220 00:15:26,459 --> 00:15:31,533 - Are you sure this is a joke? - Sure, it's very funny 221 00:15:34,059 --> 00:15:37,051 Anyway, he goes into the hospital to have the leg chopped off 222 00:15:37,939 --> 00:15:42,615 After the operation, when he's come back to being conscious 223 00:15:42,739 --> 00:15:49,815 He sees the doctor looking very worried! 'What's the matter doctor', he say 224 00:15:50,499 --> 00:15:56,847 The doctor replies, 'Senor l have bad news and l have good news' 225 00:15:57,939 --> 00:16:03,889 So, the man say, 'OK, give me the bad news' 226 00:16:04,019 --> 00:16:09,616 The doctor say, 'l have chopped off the wrong leg' 227 00:16:09,739 --> 00:16:13,857 Santa Maria, the man say, 'what is the good news? ' 228 00:16:14,699 --> 00:16:18,931 The doctor say 'Your other leg is getting better' 229 00:16:24,699 --> 00:16:27,611 - Well go on - That's the joke 230 00:16:28,979 --> 00:16:32,938 - Very droll - Another Uncle Ned 231 00:16:33,939 --> 00:16:35,850 Does anybody else got a funny story? 232 00:16:37,939 --> 00:16:42,774 Do you know it take two Sikhs to milk one goat? 233 00:16:42,899 --> 00:16:44,537 - Two? - Yes please 234 00:16:44,659 --> 00:16:50,848 One to be holding the tits and one to be lifting the goat up and down 235 00:16:52,579 --> 00:16:58,495 And did you know that in Pakistan they have no ice 236 00:16:58,619 --> 00:17:02,612 Because the man who is knowing to be making ice has emigrated 237 00:17:04,899 --> 00:17:10,019 - Are you saying all Pakistanis are stupid? - No, just you 238 00:17:11,659 --> 00:17:14,412 Sit down! No more racialistjokes please 239 00:17:14,819 --> 00:17:17,014 - Has anybody else got a funny story? - Por favore 240 00:17:17,539 --> 00:17:19,052 A funny story, ajoke! 241 00:17:19,539 --> 00:17:23,327 - Chista - Ah, chista! Si, si 242 00:18:26,899 --> 00:18:30,858 l'm sure that was extremely hilarious, lf only we knew what it was about! 243 00:18:31,539 --> 00:18:34,736 Taro, what about a Japanese joke in English please 244 00:18:40,019 --> 00:18:43,329 Old Japanese ploverb say... 245 00:18:43,859 --> 00:18:50,856 ''Man who seduces girl on hillside, not on the level'' 246 00:18:55,739 --> 00:18:56,933 Very clever! 247 00:18:57,699 --> 00:19:02,568 Su Lee, what about a sample of Chinese humour? 248 00:19:02,699 --> 00:19:06,851 ln democlatic repubric of China, we have no time for decadent bourgoise humour 249 00:19:07,979 --> 00:19:09,617 No, l don't suppose you do! 250 00:19:10,059 --> 00:19:11,856 Danielle, what about you? 251 00:19:11,979 --> 00:19:14,413 - l have a French joke for you - Good 252 00:19:14,779 --> 00:19:17,851 - l tell you about the catholic priest! - Yeah, that sounds better 253 00:19:17,979 --> 00:19:19,935 - Yes? - Come on 254 00:19:27,699 --> 00:19:32,648 There was the priest out walking and a gendarme come up and say 255 00:19:32,779 --> 00:19:35,851 Father, come quickly, there is a man on the top of the Eiffel Tower 256 00:19:35,939 --> 00:19:37,577 And he is going to jump! 257 00:19:37,699 --> 00:19:40,930 So the father goes to the tower and sees the man 258 00:19:41,619 --> 00:19:43,610 What are doing? You're mad! 259 00:19:43,739 --> 00:19:46,697 Think of your family! Think of your wife 260 00:19:46,819 --> 00:19:52,849 So the man says 'My wife has left me! l have no family! So l jump' 261 00:19:52,979 --> 00:19:55,937 The priest, he tries one more time 262 00:19:56,459 --> 00:20:00,816 So he says, lt is a sin against the catholic church 263 00:20:00,939 --> 00:20:03,737 The man says 'l am not catholic' 264 00:20:03,899 --> 00:20:06,333 OK, says the priest, jump! 265 00:20:13,699 --> 00:20:17,931 - Yeah Anna, what about a joke? - l don't know any jokes 266 00:20:18,059 --> 00:20:21,415 Professori, why don't you tell us ajoke? 267 00:20:24,219 --> 00:20:26,858 All right, i'll tell you one l heard at my last school 268 00:20:27,459 --> 00:20:28,892 One of the boys was sent home one day 269 00:20:29,019 --> 00:20:31,487 And his father asked him why he'd been sent home, he refused to tell him 270 00:20:31,619 --> 00:20:32,847 So his father went to see the Headmaster 271 00:20:33,219 --> 00:20:35,494 The Headmaster said 'l'll tell you why your son was sent home' 272 00:20:35,619 --> 00:20:38,531 When the teacher asked him who pushed down the Walls of Jericho 273 00:20:38,939 --> 00:20:39,928 He said it wasn't me 274 00:20:40,499 --> 00:20:43,536 So the father said if he said he didn't do it, then he didn't do it 275 00:20:45,019 --> 00:20:46,850 Excuse please 276 00:20:46,939 --> 00:20:48,850 What is the matter Ali? Didn't you understand the joke? 277 00:20:48,939 --> 00:20:54,730 Yes but what l didn't understand is who did push down the Walls of Jericho? 278 00:20:56,939 --> 00:21:02,536 Anybody else got ajoke? No? What about a sing song 279 00:21:02,979 --> 00:21:08,849 l am knowing good English sing song all about rolling me over in the clover 280 00:21:09,979 --> 00:21:12,049 l don't think we want that one! Thank you 281 00:21:12,539 --> 00:21:16,009 - Does anybody know Daisy? - ls she beautiful? 282 00:21:16,979 --> 00:21:20,016 lt's a song, Daisy! lt goes like this... 283 00:21:20,219 --> 00:21:30,333 'Daisy, Daisy, give me your answer do l'm half crazy, over the love of you' 284 00:21:45,819 --> 00:21:47,730 Excellent! 285 00:21:51,939 --> 00:21:55,454 What shall we sing next? 286 00:21:55,579 --> 00:21:58,651 - Can't we have a rest? - l don't know that one! ls it French? 287 00:21:59,699 --> 00:22:04,329 Yes, l'm sorry! Can anyone tell me the exact time? 288 00:22:05,739 --> 00:22:12,656 - Three minutes past eleven - only 58 hours until Monday morning 289 00:22:18,939 --> 00:22:23,615 So l said to the wife 'You're lucky, l'm still living' 290 00:22:27,459 --> 00:22:28,448 What's up? 291 00:22:28,579 --> 00:22:29,898 - Lord - What's up? 292 00:22:30,019 --> 00:22:31,850 l must be as drunk as you are 293 00:22:32,539 --> 00:22:35,895 l can see the teachers in the school waving at me out of the window 294 00:22:36,019 --> 00:22:37,850 lt must be worse than l thought 295 00:22:37,939 --> 00:22:40,851 l can see him and l don't even know him 296 00:22:46,699 --> 00:22:49,054 l hope you haven't dragged me down here on a wild goose chase 297 00:22:49,499 --> 00:22:52,935 - l tell you! l definitely saw them - lt's most inconvenient 298 00:22:53,059 --> 00:22:57,655 - lt's not my fault, l lost the front door key - Of course, it's your fault you silly little man 299 00:22:59,979 --> 00:23:01,458 At last! 300 00:23:01,939 --> 00:23:03,611 Miss Courtney, how nice to see you 301 00:23:03,739 --> 00:23:05,491 l'm afraid l can't return the compliment 302 00:23:05,619 --> 00:23:07,735 Come along! 303 00:23:08,219 --> 00:23:11,609 Good night 304 00:23:14,779 --> 00:23:17,088 l'll go and see there's nobody else anywhere 305 00:23:18,579 --> 00:23:20,968 - l'm terribly sorry - l should hope you are 306 00:23:21,059 --> 00:23:24,449 - l hope it hasn't inconvenienced you - Of course it inconvenienced me 307 00:23:24,579 --> 00:23:27,537 l was quite happily curled up in bed with Daphne du Maurier 308 00:23:29,539 --> 00:23:30,938 l am really sorry about this 309 00:23:31,779 --> 00:23:34,577 - Now what's the matter? - l've left my shopping in the class 310 00:23:34,699 --> 00:23:36,417 For heaven's sake, hurry up and get it 311 00:23:45,539 --> 00:23:47,894 - You're gonna take all night? - No, No, no 312 00:23:48,019 --> 00:23:49,657 Well hurry up! 313 00:23:58,459 --> 00:23:59,335 Sid! 314 00:23:59,899 --> 00:24:03,812 Sid, Sidney! 315 00:24:05,659 --> 00:24:06,728 We're locked in 316 00:24:06,859 --> 00:24:08,895 Now we mustn't panic! We can last out until Monday morning! Have a carrot 317 00:24:09,019 --> 00:24:13,809 Let's have a sing song! 318 00:26:01,499 --> 00:26:04,059 - Good evening everyone - Good evening 319 00:26:04,179 --> 00:26:07,376 - Good evening - Good heaven Ranjeet 320 00:26:07,499 --> 00:26:08,568 You're actually here on time 321 00:26:09,019 --> 00:26:10,611 - Yes - Well done 322 00:26:11,179 --> 00:26:15,616 Yes, thank you Juan and thank you for carrying it 323 00:26:18,339 --> 00:26:19,931 Yes, thank you very much 324 00:26:27,499 --> 00:26:31,970 - You spanish creeper - You ltalian 325 00:26:32,099 --> 00:26:33,054 All right, settle down everybody! 326 00:26:33,179 --> 00:26:35,215 We've got a lot of work to do tonight 327 00:26:37,259 --> 00:26:38,612 Excuse please 328 00:26:38,739 --> 00:26:40,855 - Just sit down a minute Ali, will you? - No thank you 329 00:26:40,979 --> 00:26:42,970 l am only coming to tell you l am not coming 330 00:26:43,099 --> 00:26:44,896 - Not coming? - Yes please 331 00:26:45,259 --> 00:26:46,977 You can't leave in the middle of a term 332 00:26:47,059 --> 00:26:48,890 l mean you were doing quite well! Why do you want to leave? 333 00:26:49,019 --> 00:26:52,853 - Oh blimey, l am coming up on the puddles - Coming up on the puddles? 334 00:26:52,979 --> 00:26:56,449 - Yes please, the football puddles? - The football pools 335 00:26:56,579 --> 00:26:59,889 Yes please! l am getting eight scoring draws 336 00:27:00,259 --> 00:27:03,410 - How many draws on the coupons? - Only the eight l am getting 337 00:27:04,179 --> 00:27:05,532 Hey how much you win? 338 00:27:05,659 --> 00:27:08,651 Oh blimey, it could be half a million pounds 339 00:27:09,259 --> 00:27:10,897 Santa Maria 340 00:27:11,259 --> 00:27:16,333 l'm very happy for you! Because you're my best friend 341 00:27:17,259 --> 00:27:19,011 He's also my friend 342 00:27:20,499 --> 00:27:22,933 And mine 343 00:27:24,339 --> 00:27:27,934 - l am the true friend of Ali - You? 344 00:27:28,419 --> 00:27:31,934 But of course! We are practically bloody brothers! 345 00:27:33,179 --> 00:27:36,535 - l thought you didn't like Muslims - l love Muslims 346 00:27:36,659 --> 00:27:39,173 Especially when they are having half a million pounds! 347 00:27:39,739 --> 00:27:40,967 Well, l don't know what to say Ali 348 00:27:41,099 --> 00:27:42,851 l mean l'm very pleased for you of course 349 00:27:42,979 --> 00:27:45,618 - l am also being very pleased for me - What will you do? 350 00:27:45,739 --> 00:27:47,969 Oh blimey, l am going to bed 351 00:27:48,339 --> 00:27:50,057 - To bed? - Yes please 352 00:27:50,179 --> 00:27:53,888 With all that money, l'm not needing to be working, so l'm going to bed 353 00:27:54,019 --> 00:27:57,455 - You mean you're going to retire - Most definitely 354 00:27:57,579 --> 00:27:59,297 You're quite sure you've got eight score draws? 355 00:27:59,419 --> 00:28:01,535 Oh yes, l got the copy 356 00:28:01,659 --> 00:28:04,014 Here please, the ones l'm ticking off 357 00:28:04,979 --> 00:28:08,130 Ali, l don't think you're going to retire just yet 358 00:28:08,259 --> 00:28:10,614 - He's not gotta eight draws? - Oh yes 359 00:28:11,019 --> 00:28:12,577 - He's gotta eight... he's got eight draws - Good 360 00:28:13,019 --> 00:28:15,135 But they're not all on the same line! 361 00:28:15,259 --> 00:28:17,853 - What difference is that making? - lt means you haven't won anything 362 00:28:18,739 --> 00:28:21,128 - Notting at all? - Notting at all 363 00:28:21,979 --> 00:28:23,094 Bellos! 364 00:28:24,899 --> 00:28:27,094 Loco! 365 00:28:29,259 --> 00:28:33,013 That is typical of that Muslim twit! No brains whatsoever 366 00:28:33,179 --> 00:28:35,534 Oh blimey, you are changing tune 367 00:28:35,659 --> 00:28:39,288 When you are thinking that l am very wealthy you are being my bloody brother 368 00:28:42,979 --> 00:28:45,447 Don't you call me stupid you bearded baboon! 369 00:28:45,579 --> 00:28:47,615 Quiet the pair of you and sit down 370 00:28:47,739 --> 00:28:49,969 l presume you're staying now Ali 371 00:28:50,579 --> 00:28:52,968 - l'm staying now, yes - Good 372 00:28:53,419 --> 00:28:57,128 Now this evening l thought we'd try some practical use of the English language 373 00:28:57,259 --> 00:29:01,172 By acting out various situations that you might come across in real life 374 00:29:01,659 --> 00:29:04,571 - Now, we'll start with you Taro - ''Aso'' 375 00:29:08,419 --> 00:29:13,288 - Now, you are going to the bank - Banko, yes 376 00:29:14,259 --> 00:29:16,978 - Where are you going? - Banko 377 00:29:17,499 --> 00:29:20,855 - No, it's only a pretend bank - Pletendo? 378 00:29:20,979 --> 00:29:25,894 Yeso! We'll imagine this table is the bank counter and l am the bank clerk 379 00:29:26,019 --> 00:29:28,977 And you are a customer and you're coming to cash a cheque 380 00:29:29,099 --> 00:29:31,010 - All right? - Ok 381 00:29:31,659 --> 00:29:35,891 - Good morning Sir - lt is not good morning time 382 00:29:36,339 --> 00:29:39,297 lt is good night time 383 00:29:39,419 --> 00:29:42,616 Yes, it is now! But we are just pretending 384 00:29:43,019 --> 00:29:45,579 - Aso, Cally on - Thank you 385 00:29:46,019 --> 00:29:47,611 - Good morning Sir - One moment 386 00:29:47,739 --> 00:29:51,493 - What is it now? - Are you Barclays or Midlando? 387 00:29:52,659 --> 00:29:54,854 lt doesn't really matter! Midland if you like 388 00:29:54,979 --> 00:29:57,254 - Good morning Sir - Goodbye 389 00:30:00,419 --> 00:30:01,932 Goodbye? 390 00:30:02,499 --> 00:30:09,291 Midlando not my banko! Barclays my banko 391 00:30:09,419 --> 00:30:11,535 All right, it's Barclays 392 00:30:11,659 --> 00:30:14,127 - Good morning Sir - Good morning 393 00:30:14,659 --> 00:30:17,537 - You wish to cash a cheque? - Yes pleaso 394 00:30:17,659 --> 00:30:19,297 Good! How much? Ten pounds? 395 00:30:19,419 --> 00:30:21,375 - Twenty? Thirty? - Thirty 396 00:30:21,499 --> 00:30:24,411 - And how do you want it? - ln money please 397 00:30:25,579 --> 00:30:28,855 Yes but do you want thirty in tens, ones or fives or what? 398 00:30:28,979 --> 00:30:34,053 - Can l have thirty fives? - No, that would be 150 pounds 399 00:30:34,179 --> 00:30:37,296 - Solly for mistako - Not to worry 400 00:30:37,419 --> 00:30:38,977 Thank you Taro! That wasn't too bad 401 00:30:39,099 --> 00:30:41,215 Now, who should we have next? Ah, Danielle 402 00:30:45,899 --> 00:30:49,574 You are the nicest banker l've seen 403 00:30:50,019 --> 00:30:53,534 Yes, well we're not in the bank now! l want you to imagine something different 404 00:30:54,099 --> 00:30:57,614 - l have a very good imagination - l'm sure you have 405 00:30:57,739 --> 00:31:02,017 Now you are going into a post office and l am the assistant 406 00:31:02,419 --> 00:31:07,618 - Excuse me, can you help me? - Certainly Madam! What is it you wish? 407 00:31:07,979 --> 00:31:10,095 How much is it a letter to post? 408 00:31:10,579 --> 00:31:14,367 - ls it someone in England? - No, no it's a Swiss letter 409 00:31:14,499 --> 00:31:18,128 - A Swiss letter? - Yes, l write to my boyfriend in Switzerland 410 00:31:18,259 --> 00:31:21,615 Well, it's more correct to say you want to send a letter to Switzerland not a Swiss letter 411 00:31:21,739 --> 00:31:24,378 lt could be very embarrassing if you were writing to somebody in France 412 00:31:26,259 --> 00:31:28,136 - Excuse me? - lt doesn't matter 413 00:31:28,499 --> 00:31:31,616 l am thinking l need some extra English lessons 414 00:31:31,739 --> 00:31:34,128 Maybe l could stay here with you after the class 415 00:31:34,259 --> 00:31:36,295 l don't think we could do that 416 00:31:36,659 --> 00:31:40,538 Well l come home with you and you could teach me a lot 417 00:31:40,659 --> 00:31:44,049 Yes l'm sure l could! But l think you know quite sufficient already 418 00:31:44,179 --> 00:31:50,368 - Now, is there anything else you want? - Yes but l cannot tell you here 419 00:31:51,899 --> 00:31:56,336 - From the post office - No, nothing 420 00:31:56,899 --> 00:31:59,254 Well alright, thank you Danielle, that will do 421 00:32:01,019 --> 00:32:03,852 - Now, Juan - Si senor 422 00:32:03,979 --> 00:32:07,051 - You're going to the Employment Exchange - Por Favore 423 00:32:07,419 --> 00:32:11,298 - You are going to get a job - No, l already have ajob 424 00:32:11,419 --> 00:32:13,614 Yes l know that, we're assuming you don't 425 00:32:13,739 --> 00:32:15,855 And you're going to the Employment Exchange to get one 426 00:32:15,979 --> 00:32:19,289 - As l explained to Taro, we're pretending - lt's alright 427 00:32:20,419 --> 00:32:23,172 - Now, what is your name? - You already know my name 428 00:32:24,339 --> 00:32:26,614 l do but the clerk at the job desk doesn't 429 00:32:26,739 --> 00:32:31,051 Ah, si! Juan Cervantes para Serville 430 00:32:31,739 --> 00:32:34,651 - Are you married? - Si 431 00:32:35,419 --> 00:32:39,970 l married to Gina Lollabrigida 432 00:32:42,339 --> 00:32:46,651 - Don't be ridiculous - Pretending 433 00:32:48,419 --> 00:32:49,852 Touche', alright! 434 00:32:50,259 --> 00:32:54,491 - What sort of ajob are you looking for? - Plenty money job 435 00:32:54,979 --> 00:32:58,858 l see and what is the work you want to do in order to earn this plenty money? 436 00:32:58,979 --> 00:33:00,298 Plenty little! 437 00:33:01,419 --> 00:33:04,217 Alright Juan! Thank you! That will be sufficient 438 00:33:04,339 --> 00:33:07,251 Pity, l like it! A very good game! 439 00:33:08,659 --> 00:33:11,890 Thank you! Now, Ranjeet 440 00:33:14,659 --> 00:33:16,615 What is it you are wanting me to do? 441 00:33:16,979 --> 00:33:20,972 - You are going to the Doctor's - What is the nature of my complaint? 442 00:33:21,099 --> 00:33:24,978 - Let's just say you don't feel well - But l'm never feeling better 443 00:33:25,059 --> 00:33:28,608 - Pretend you have a cold - A cold what? 444 00:33:30,739 --> 00:33:32,536 Alright, let's forget about the cold 445 00:33:32,659 --> 00:33:35,571 - Just imagine you have a pain - Very well sir 446 00:33:37,259 --> 00:33:38,248 Well go on 447 00:33:39,019 --> 00:33:43,456 A thousand apologies! l am waiting for you to say 'Next please' 448 00:33:43,579 --> 00:33:48,937 - Doctor always say 'Next please' - Next please 449 00:33:50,339 --> 00:33:52,614 - Good morning Doctor - Good morning 450 00:33:52,739 --> 00:33:56,368 - And what seems to be the trouble? - l have a terrible pain 451 00:33:56,499 --> 00:33:58,933 - Where? - ln my imagination 452 00:34:01,019 --> 00:34:03,408 You're supposed to be pretending it's a real pain 453 00:34:03,979 --> 00:34:06,334 A thousand apologies again! 454 00:34:07,019 --> 00:34:09,658 - l have a real terrible pain - Good 455 00:34:10,019 --> 00:34:13,056 - Where is this pain? - ln my foot 456 00:34:15,259 --> 00:34:17,090 His brains are hurting 457 00:34:18,499 --> 00:34:22,970 - Your backside will be hurting in a moment - Blimey you can't even crack a pompadom 458 00:34:23,099 --> 00:34:25,932 - l give you bunches of fivers - l give you bunches of tenners 459 00:34:30,099 --> 00:34:31,373 Miss Courtney 460 00:34:31,499 --> 00:34:33,057 What on earth is going on in here? 461 00:34:33,179 --> 00:34:35,135 We were just having a few practical lessons 462 00:34:35,259 --> 00:34:39,047 - What in, unarmed combat? - lt might come in useful 463 00:34:39,179 --> 00:34:44,299 Well l'm afraid your students will have to do without you for a little while 464 00:34:44,419 --> 00:34:47,536 - You're wanted down at the police station - The police station? 465 00:34:47,659 --> 00:34:49,615 There's no need to look so guilty! lt's nothing you've done 466 00:34:50,019 --> 00:34:52,613 lt's about one of your students! The lndian lady 467 00:34:53,019 --> 00:34:55,613 - Jamila? Has anything happened to her? - Yes 468 00:34:55,979 --> 00:34:58,937 She's been arrested for shoplifting! 469 00:35:26,739 --> 00:35:28,092 Hello 470 00:35:28,739 --> 00:35:29,888 Constable Wilkings? 471 00:35:30,259 --> 00:35:32,932 Where the devil are you? You should've been back here by now 472 00:35:33,379 --> 00:35:37,213 Pardon? No i will not send a Panda car for you 473 00:35:37,619 --> 00:35:40,975 l don't care if somebody has pinched your bicycle! Pinch somebody else's 474 00:35:43,659 --> 00:35:45,934 Would you like a cup of tea? 475 00:35:50,099 --> 00:35:53,978 Tea, cup! ''Char'' 476 00:35:54,099 --> 00:36:00,334 Char, yes please no thank you! 4 sugar 477 00:36:00,459 --> 00:36:02,131 Don't run away 478 00:36:05,499 --> 00:36:07,217 Jamila! Are you all right? 479 00:36:11,379 --> 00:36:12,334 What did she say Ali? 480 00:36:15,259 --> 00:36:17,853 - ln English - Excuse me please 481 00:36:17,939 --> 00:36:21,056 She is saying she is very glad we are coming to help her escape 482 00:36:22,099 --> 00:36:23,657 Ask her what she stole 483 00:36:33,059 --> 00:36:34,378 - Well? - Nothing 484 00:36:34,779 --> 00:36:36,576 She must have said more than that 485 00:36:37,059 --> 00:36:40,096 Yes please! She is saying she only took a book from the newspapershop 486 00:36:40,219 --> 00:36:41,493 But the book was free 487 00:36:41,619 --> 00:36:43,849 There's obviously been some misunderstanding! 488 00:36:43,939 --> 00:36:45,657 l'll sort it out with the police 489 00:36:46,059 --> 00:36:49,176 - Will they be sending her to prison? - No, no! l don't think it's that drastic 490 00:36:49,299 --> 00:36:51,529 l'll have a word with the sergeant! Five pounds ought to do it 491 00:36:52,059 --> 00:36:54,015 Ah, l'm understanding! That is a fine 492 00:36:54,139 --> 00:36:56,937 No, no, no! Not exactly a fine! Let's say it's a little gift 493 00:36:57,299 --> 00:36:58,368 - Gift? - Yes 494 00:36:58,499 --> 00:37:01,172 lt's an old English custom! l scratch your back, you scratch mine 495 00:37:01,299 --> 00:37:04,609 - You scratch my back, l scratch yours - That's right 496 00:37:05,019 --> 00:37:06,088 Very well! Where are you being itchy? 497 00:37:06,219 --> 00:37:07,447 No, no, never mind! 498 00:37:08,019 --> 00:37:13,173 - Char - Good evening 499 00:37:14,619 --> 00:37:16,416 - Good evening - Good evening 500 00:37:16,539 --> 00:37:19,053 - Are you Mr. Brown? - No, he is Mr. Brown 501 00:37:19,179 --> 00:37:20,578 l was speaking to him 502 00:37:21,259 --> 00:37:22,851 ln that case, you were right first time 503 00:37:22,979 --> 00:37:24,332 - Who are you? - Ali Nadim 504 00:37:24,459 --> 00:37:27,417 No, l am Ali Nadim! You are Mr. Brown 505 00:37:27,539 --> 00:37:30,497 Yes Ali, l'll do the talking, alright? You just leave it to me 506 00:37:31,059 --> 00:37:33,095 Now l'm sure we can sort this out, inspector 507 00:37:33,459 --> 00:37:36,053 The Commissioner looks after promotions here sir 508 00:37:36,179 --> 00:37:38,170 Yes, you look like an lnspector 509 00:37:38,299 --> 00:37:39,527 l'm sure it's only a question of time 510 00:37:39,659 --> 00:37:42,617 May l compliment you on your station and what a wonderful job you're doing 511 00:37:42,739 --> 00:37:43,649 Thank you sir 512 00:37:43,899 --> 00:37:45,935 - Now about this young lady? - Ah yes 513 00:37:46,059 --> 00:37:48,653 l expect you'd like to have a look at my driving licence 514 00:37:49,059 --> 00:37:51,209 - What for? - To verify my identity 515 00:37:51,339 --> 00:37:54,331 - You said you were Mr. Brown - Yes but you want some proof, don't you? 516 00:37:54,459 --> 00:37:57,451 Look if you tell me you're Mr. Brown l accept that is the truth 517 00:37:57,579 --> 00:37:59,888 - Yes but l could have been lying - Were you lying? 518 00:38:00,019 --> 00:38:01,930 No, he's definitely Mr. Brown! 519 00:38:02,059 --> 00:38:04,050 - He is telling the truth - Ali 520 00:38:04,179 --> 00:38:08,013 - l insist you look at my driving licence - Oh very well, if it will make you happy 521 00:38:11,739 --> 00:38:13,457 - ls this yours sir? - Pardon? 522 00:38:13,579 --> 00:38:16,935 This five pound note was inside you driving licence 523 00:38:17,059 --> 00:38:19,368 Are you sure? lt could have dropped out of your trouser pocket 524 00:38:19,499 --> 00:38:22,889 Oh yes! And dropped upwards l suppose on to the desk? 525 00:38:23,099 --> 00:38:24,896 Perhaps you had it tucked up your sleeves 526 00:38:25,019 --> 00:38:27,897 Yes and l could have a couple of doves up the other but l haven't 527 00:38:28,019 --> 00:38:30,294 lt was definitely in your licence 528 00:38:30,419 --> 00:38:33,650 Yes sergeant is correct! l remember you putting it there not a moment ago 529 00:38:35,419 --> 00:38:36,408 l forgot 530 00:38:36,539 --> 00:38:40,373 lt was just before you said ''You scratch my back, l scratch yours'' 531 00:38:40,499 --> 00:38:43,457 - Thank you George Washington - No l'm Ali 532 00:38:43,579 --> 00:38:46,093 Yes Ali, just be quiet please 533 00:38:46,659 --> 00:38:50,049 - Now sergeant, about this young lady - Yes the accused 534 00:38:50,179 --> 00:38:53,615 Remember British Justice! A person is presumed innocent until proven guilty 535 00:38:54,019 --> 00:38:56,055 - And this poor lady is innocent - l know that 536 00:38:56,179 --> 00:38:59,137 Just because she's an immigrant you can't go picking on - pardon? 537 00:38:59,259 --> 00:39:03,013 Oh she pinched the book all right but she thought it was buckshee 538 00:39:03,419 --> 00:39:05,137 See what it says on the front cover? 539 00:39:05,579 --> 00:39:08,412 - Free inside! Colour supplement - That's right 540 00:39:08,539 --> 00:39:11,531 - And she thought the whole book was free - Yes 541 00:39:11,659 --> 00:39:13,092 So it wasn't her fault 542 00:39:13,219 --> 00:39:16,370 lf anyone's to blame, it's the person who's teaching her English 543 00:39:18,339 --> 00:39:21,490 lt's not always easy! Well if that's all we'll be getting along! Come along Jamila 544 00:39:22,179 --> 00:39:24,488 Before you go sir 545 00:39:25,979 --> 00:39:29,415 Would you like to make a donation to our Police charity fund? 546 00:39:29,539 --> 00:39:32,053 Well as a matter of fact, you've caught me at a rather awkaward moment 547 00:39:32,179 --> 00:39:33,168 What about the fiver? 548 00:39:33,739 --> 00:39:36,412 You remember sir, the one you thought you never had 549 00:39:37,019 --> 00:39:37,849 Oh, that fiver! 550 00:39:37,979 --> 00:39:40,334 You know what they say sir, what you've never had you never miss 551 00:39:41,299 --> 00:39:44,052 Unless you knew it was there all the time 552 00:39:44,179 --> 00:39:47,933 ln which case it would come under bribery and corruption 553 00:39:49,219 --> 00:39:53,132 You scratch my back and l'll scratch yours 554 00:39:57,979 --> 00:39:59,537 l see Mr. Brown is not back 555 00:39:59,659 --> 00:40:00,887 What are you doing at the moment? 556 00:40:01,019 --> 00:40:03,453 - We are studying our English Glammar - Good 557 00:40:03,579 --> 00:40:05,968 And how far have you got? Let me see your book 558 00:40:07,179 --> 00:40:10,854 Giovanni, Miss Courtney would like to see your book 559 00:40:10,979 --> 00:40:13,539 l want to see your book 560 00:40:17,699 --> 00:40:18,609 Thank you 561 00:40:21,539 --> 00:40:24,007 ''The affairs of a Call Girl'' 562 00:40:25,219 --> 00:40:29,178 l thought it was about the adventures of a telephone operator! Honest 563 00:40:29,299 --> 00:40:30,618 A likely story! 564 00:40:32,459 --> 00:40:35,531 Well, until Mr. Brown returns l shall take the class 565 00:40:35,659 --> 00:40:43,088 - Senora, where are you taking us - l'm not taking you anywhere 566 00:40:43,579 --> 00:40:46,139 l shall ask you a few questions on general knowledge 567 00:40:46,259 --> 00:40:52,016 Now first of all, can anybody tell me who said ''To be or not to be''? 568 00:40:52,659 --> 00:40:56,129 - Please you just said it - Yes 569 00:40:56,619 --> 00:40:59,975 But before l said it, who said it? 570 00:41:00,099 --> 00:41:01,930 - Excuse prease - yes 571 00:41:02,099 --> 00:41:03,009 Chairman Mao 572 00:41:05,059 --> 00:41:09,177 lt may come as a surprise to you, but other people wrote things besides Chairman Mao 573 00:41:09,299 --> 00:41:10,891 Chairman Mao lite everything 574 00:41:11,019 --> 00:41:16,889 He certainly didn't lite - write - ''To be or not to be''! Does anybody know? 575 00:41:17,499 --> 00:41:20,650 - William Shakespeare - Correct 576 00:41:21,019 --> 00:41:24,534 Excuse please! Who is this William Spearshake? 577 00:41:26,019 --> 00:41:29,250 - Shakespeare - A thousand apologies 578 00:41:29,979 --> 00:41:32,254 Are you not familiar with Shakespeare's works? 579 00:41:32,899 --> 00:41:35,857 - ls it a big place? - ls what a big place? 580 00:41:36,259 --> 00:41:37,977 These works of Shakespeare 581 00:41:40,019 --> 00:41:43,409 - l'm referring to the things he wrote - Scusi 582 00:41:43,979 --> 00:41:48,131 Can anybody tell me what the population of England is? 583 00:41:48,779 --> 00:41:50,531 - Miss Shmidt? - Ja, English 584 00:41:53,739 --> 00:41:55,331 Not any longer 585 00:41:56,899 --> 00:41:59,971 However, what l really meant was how many there are? 586 00:42:00,099 --> 00:42:02,897 l don't know, l haven't counted them 587 00:42:03,379 --> 00:42:05,415 Let me ask you a simple question 588 00:42:05,899 --> 00:42:07,969 - Mr. Nagazumi - ''Aso'' 589 00:42:11,019 --> 00:42:14,056 Can you tell me how many P's there are in a pound? 590 00:42:14,739 --> 00:42:17,128 Depend on size of peas 591 00:42:19,499 --> 00:42:23,538 l think you'd better all go back to studying your books until Mr. Brown returns 592 00:42:24,419 --> 00:42:26,455 He surely can't be much longer 593 00:42:39,979 --> 00:42:42,015 l wish she'd tell us why she's brought us back here 594 00:42:42,139 --> 00:42:44,528 She just said she was having something to show you 595 00:42:52,219 --> 00:42:54,938 She is saying thank you for saving her from the police 596 00:42:55,059 --> 00:42:57,448 And hopes you'll do the same next time 597 00:42:57,579 --> 00:42:59,615 Well let's hope there's not going to be a next time 598 00:43:07,059 --> 00:43:08,936 Free Offer! 2 p. Off each tin 599 00:43:09,499 --> 00:43:11,535 - Supermark - Supermarket 600 00:43:11,979 --> 00:43:14,891 They've obviously been having... Oh no! 601 00:43:15,019 --> 00:43:18,250 Free offer! You haven't been taking things from the supermarket 602 00:43:26,059 --> 00:43:27,094 Oh dearie me! 603 00:43:27,219 --> 00:43:30,291 - You can say that again - Oh dearie me 604 00:43:31,659 --> 00:43:35,288 We must be going back to see the Police Sergeant and scratch his back again 605 00:43:36,339 --> 00:43:38,614 We can't do that! He'll never believe this was a mistake 606 00:43:38,739 --> 00:43:39,854 Pinching a magazine is one thing 607 00:43:39,979 --> 00:43:43,016 But knocking off half a supermarket is rather a different matter 608 00:43:43,459 --> 00:43:47,168 On the other hand, we can't let Jamila keep all these stolen goods! lt's dishonest 609 00:43:47,619 --> 00:43:49,098 She can give them to me! 610 00:43:49,219 --> 00:43:53,132 - l do not minding being dishonest - Yes, l'm sure you're not 611 00:43:53,259 --> 00:43:55,409 Now listen Ali, l want you to go back to the school 612 00:43:55,539 --> 00:43:59,327 And ask all the students to meet Jamila and l outside the supermarket 613 00:43:59,699 --> 00:44:03,897 - What are we going to be doing? - We're going to put all these things back 614 00:44:06,499 --> 00:44:09,491 - Gladys, is everything locked up? - Yes Miss Courtney 615 00:44:09,619 --> 00:44:12,850 By the way, l don't suppose you could give me a lift 616 00:44:12,979 --> 00:44:14,970 l'm afraid l'm not going straight home tonight 617 00:44:15,099 --> 00:44:17,454 There's a few things l need from the supermarket 618 00:44:29,139 --> 00:44:33,018 Right, now you all know what to do! Just be very careful that nobody sees you 619 00:45:14,019 --> 00:45:14,849 What are you doing here? 620 00:45:15,579 --> 00:45:19,094 l suppose you could say it was an extra curricular activity 621 00:45:19,219 --> 00:45:23,098 - Sir, excuse me! lt's stuck - What are you doing with thatjar? 622 00:45:23,939 --> 00:45:24,928 Trying to get it out 623 00:45:25,059 --> 00:45:27,209 lt's a long story, Miss Courtney! l'll explain later 624 00:45:27,339 --> 00:45:28,249 Let me give you a hand 625 00:45:35,579 --> 00:45:38,537 All right, l've been watching you! Just what do you think you're doing? 626 00:45:39,139 --> 00:45:41,209 Would you believe we're putting things back? 627 00:45:41,339 --> 00:45:44,411 - No - l didn't think you would 628 00:45:45,419 --> 00:45:49,492 Well, well, well! Regular little Fagin, aren't you? 629 00:45:50,219 --> 00:45:51,971 l can explain Sergeant 630 00:45:52,059 --> 00:45:54,095 You're not going to show me your licence again, are you? 631 00:45:54,219 --> 00:45:55,857 That's a relief 632 00:45:55,939 --> 00:45:58,089 See, we were actually trying to return these goods 633 00:45:58,219 --> 00:45:59,129 Ask the students 634 00:46:00,899 --> 00:46:02,014 Quiet 635 00:46:02,139 --> 00:46:05,290 Now look, Sergeant, lt was obviously just been a misunderstanding 636 00:46:05,419 --> 00:46:07,853 l see no reason why we should pursue this any further 637 00:46:07,979 --> 00:46:10,573 - l'm sorry Madam - Miss if you don't mind 638 00:46:10,899 --> 00:46:15,336 Yes! Well l'm afraid l shall have to make a report out on this affair 639 00:46:15,459 --> 00:46:17,973 - Now couldn't you forget it ever happened? - No 640 00:46:18,259 --> 00:46:22,457 l'm sure your Police Charity Fund wouldn't say no to another contribution Sergeant 641 00:46:22,579 --> 00:46:25,457 Well, we're always grateful for anything, sir 642 00:46:25,579 --> 00:46:29,618 - Shall we say another five pounds? - That's very generous of you 643 00:46:31,059 --> 00:46:32,412 Come along everybody 644 00:46:33,459 --> 00:46:34,972 Just a moment Mr. Brown 645 00:46:35,499 --> 00:46:38,616 Where are you going? l haven't made out my report yet 646 00:46:38,739 --> 00:46:41,970 Yeah but l've just given you five pounds to forget it 647 00:46:42,059 --> 00:46:42,889 Oh no sir 648 00:46:43,019 --> 00:46:46,409 You've very kindly donated five pounds to our charity fund 649 00:46:47,019 --> 00:46:50,932 - lt wasn't meant as a bribe, was it sir? - No 650 00:46:51,179 --> 00:46:54,171 Good, now let's take a few names 651 00:46:55,219 --> 00:46:59,258 - You Madam, sorry Miss - Courtney 652 00:47:01,179 --> 00:47:04,410 - Thank you! You sir - Si 653 00:47:04,539 --> 00:47:06,018 - What is your name? - Por favore 654 00:47:07,299 --> 00:47:11,338 - How do you spell that? - That's not his name 655 00:47:11,739 --> 00:47:14,617 - Giving me a false name, eh? - Por favore 656 00:47:14,979 --> 00:47:18,449 l'll come back to you, Mr. Por Favore or whatever your name is 657 00:47:20,179 --> 00:47:22,010 - You - Yes please 658 00:47:23,019 --> 00:47:27,137 - What is your name? - No, Watt is not my name 659 00:47:28,299 --> 00:47:30,290 l don't want to know what your name is not 660 00:47:30,979 --> 00:47:35,131 - What is your name? - And l am telling you it is not 661 00:47:35,579 --> 00:47:39,288 - You, what is his name? - Nein 662 00:47:40,099 --> 00:47:43,978 Now we're getting somewhere Mr. Nine 663 00:47:44,099 --> 00:47:46,294 - That is not his name? - You just said it was 664 00:47:46,419 --> 00:47:48,887 You ask me if his name is Watt, and l tell you Nein 665 00:47:49,019 --> 00:47:51,453 His name is not Watt but also not Nein 666 00:47:51,979 --> 00:47:53,253 l'm going around the bend 667 00:47:53,699 --> 00:47:56,213 - What is his name? - Absolutely not 668 00:47:56,339 --> 00:47:57,408 Not what? 669 00:47:57,539 --> 00:47:58,892 That is correct 670 00:47:59,019 --> 00:48:00,975 - What is your name? - Wrong again 671 00:48:01,579 --> 00:48:03,490 - He's not here - Who's not here? 672 00:48:03,619 --> 00:48:07,897 - Watt - Pardon 673 00:48:08,019 --> 00:48:10,294 Who is not here and Watt is not here neither 674 00:48:10,899 --> 00:48:12,651 You're all barmy 675 00:48:13,139 --> 00:48:19,658 Mr. Brown, if l promise not to proceed with this report 676 00:48:20,499 --> 00:48:23,059 - Will you do me a favour? - Yes what is it? 677 00:48:23,179 --> 00:48:27,297 Take these crackpots out of here and promise never to bring them back 678 00:48:27,699 --> 00:48:29,894 Even if they've committed a murder! 679 00:48:39,179 --> 00:48:42,251 Good evening Miss Courtney or should l say Miz 680 00:48:43,019 --> 00:48:45,852 Please don't remind me of last night's unfortunate incident 681 00:48:45,939 --> 00:48:46,928 Sorry 682 00:48:47,059 --> 00:48:51,211 l hope you've explained to your lndian lady the difference between Free and Free Offer 683 00:48:51,339 --> 00:48:53,978 Yes, she understands it! Don't worry, it won't happen again 684 00:48:54,459 --> 00:48:58,247 Excuse me! l'm looking for a Jamila Ranjhatt 685 00:48:59,219 --> 00:49:01,369 - Are you thinking what l'm thinking? - l hope not 686 00:49:01,499 --> 00:49:02,898 Why do you want Jamila? 687 00:49:03,019 --> 00:49:06,295 She ordered a mini bike from us over a month ago and she hasn't paid us 688 00:49:06,419 --> 00:49:07,647 We've sent her three invoices 689 00:49:08,059 --> 00:49:10,937 - She actually ordered the bike - Oh yes, she sent in the coupon 690 00:49:11,059 --> 00:49:13,414 - Here it is - Oh no, she's done it again 691 00:49:13,539 --> 00:49:18,408 Seven day free trial